So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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