whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
