i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
