He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
