My liver just broke up with me...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
