my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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