Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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