I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
