Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
