No awkward lesbian experiences without me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
