there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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