nut hugger
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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