well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tell her she can't have a vagina
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
