I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
