nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
