i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
