tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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