the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
