You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
