He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
