I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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