she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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