I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
