you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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