I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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