Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
