smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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