I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my poor anus
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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