Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
