Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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