I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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