I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
