i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
