you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
