why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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