I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
