yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
