I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
