I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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