One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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