have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
