well you can't waste a boner
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
