I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
