One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
