I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
