Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
