the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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