Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
