why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
