i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
