nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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