Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
