if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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