Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
