and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's even glitter on my cock...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
